I had some extra time today and I was thinking about what I could share with you guys. This isn’t going to be about food or silly things. If you’re not in the mood for a serious topic then stop reading this. This is Jared, he’s my gentlefriend. If you’ve read any of my Like Like posts you would have already virtually met him or heard of him. I think he’s wonderful and truly a gift for me from God.
I don’t receive gifts very well, especially the gifts from God. It’s mostly rooted in insecurities of not thinking I deserve anything. I have a huge problem with trying to earn rewards instead of just accepting them as blessings.
Even though I think very highly of Jared, I still resist him and get to be very selfish. I don’t mean to take him for granted but I do. It’s something I’m working very hard on.
When Jared and I first got together he told me that even though I was his, his pursuit of me wasn’t over and it never would be. He told me he would always chase me and he reminds me of this every time we have a dispute or I just throw my normal two-year-old tantrums.
One of the last things Jared said to me the last time I was trying to push him away was, “You can’t run away and push at the same time.” I demanded I could and that my independent spirit wasn’t going to adjust to anything he was saying. He then preceded to inform me it was physically impossible to run away and hold resistance to something. And that if I thought I could, then I should try it. He told me I had to do one or the other. Or I could let him continue to chase me and pursue me.
I mulled this conversation over in my mind for a few days after. Of course the same way Jared treating me with the utmost respect and loving pursuit is what God is doing. (Darn analogies!) God is in this pursuit of me and I can’t understand why I just won’t give in and follow. He’s in this pursuit of all humanity, from the beginning, in the garden he asks, “Where are you?” As we’re running in the garden trying to hide from God he’s asking us where we are, when he knows exactly where we are.
God says this in Ezekiel: From now on, I myself am the shepherd. I’m going looking for them. As shepherds go after their flocks when they get scattered, I’m going after my sheep. I’ll rescue them from all the places they’ve been scattered to in the storms. I’ll bring them back from foreign peoples, gather them from foreign countries, and bring them back to their home country. I’ll feed them on the mountains of Israel, along the streams, among their own people. I’ll lead them into lush pasture so they can roam the mountain pastures of Israel, graze at leisure, feed in the rich pastures on the mountains of Israel. And I myself will be the shepherd of my sheep. I myself will make sure they get plenty of rest. I’ll go after the lost, I’ll collect the strays, I’ll doctor the injured, I’ll build up the weak ones and oversee the strong ones so they’re not exploited.
I’ve been in some life storms and I know I have been scattered. I need to accept the fact I can’t rescue myself and I can’t chase myself. I can’t push and run at the same time. I need to not look at it as a battle. I need to not see it as giving in. I need to not see it as a position of defeat. I need to see it as being gracefully rescued by the one who chooses to love, who is love.
(Jared doesn’t always realize how wise he is or how patient he is. He doesn’t know he exemplifies Christ in such a serious tone or the good weight of his words.)
Maybe this was just for me but I feel like maybe at least one person could relate to me.