A Month of Marriage

When I first got engaged, I had hopes that I’d turn this blog into a kind of trials and ideas leading up to the wedding. I’d had ideas that I’d share, because in the beginning it seemed easy; I’d tell you how to make lists and the secrets to finding a wedding venue. After my first couple of posts, I realized that I had no idea what I was doing and had no idea where I was going with any of my ideas. I’d go through wedding blogs after wedding blogs. I didn’t know how to properly communicate with Jared, let alone write a blog about anything. Just now am I able to process anything. Things in life have calmed down, and I’m less crazy (didn’t say I wasn’t crazy just said less.) When people tell me they’re engaged, I want to laugh at them and cry for them because personally it was the worst experience in my life. I cried and laughed.. wait no, I never laughed. I only cried and flipped out, especially at Jared. Finding a dress was the worst. Hand writing all of my invitations after my Save the Dates were printed out so cutely. Having only 1 bridesmaid with me for most of my engagement was hard, especially when the questions I’d ask Jared were intended to be answered by a girl. When I’d tell married people I was engaged, I’d also ask what their best advice was. I do the same now. For me it’s fun to hear different stages of marriage lay importance on an issue. Different people say different things and it’s fun to hear morals and values in a marriage. There are the typical ones; communicate and laugh together. Those are very important but two of my favorite pieces of advice are: Always go to bed together. This is not to be confused with never go to bed angry. If we’re friends you know I hate that advice. If it’s bedtime and I’m angry and you keep me up to resolve an issue, it’ll only get worse. SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED TO GO TO BED! I know this is true, and not just for myself. When I’m past pure exhaustion, I will say things I do not mean and I will turn into a different person. If you go to sleep, you can wake up with a brand new day and a clear CALM mind. I’ll have an adult conversation with you, and we can sort out our differences, insecurities, selfishness and learn to grow together. However, always going to bed together means that you value the marriage bed and that you’re not pushing someone out to the couch or spare bedroom. No matter your argument, you’re choosing to share close quarters with someone.

My second piece of advice that I received was in a card from a lady who I always want to have in my life. She said to surround yourself with other Christian couples. As cheesy as that may sound, it became very vital to me. Not only vital but realistic. I noticed that the people who we surrounded ourselves with affected how we treated each other. It’s not just working with each other in this marriage, but it’s to leave where we currently stand in better condition than when we found it. We don’t do it alone, we do it together. It also became very clear to me at one of my bridal showers. I looked around the room and saw a group of married women who could advise me and had husbands who could advise Jared. I saw a group of girls who would ask me how I was doing outside of the surface level question. They could ask me how it was being a wife expecting an honest answer in return. It truly has become one of the pieces of life I am most grateful for.

As I go month to month in marriage, I’m excited to see other pieces of advice take effect. I know that as much as I’ll hate it in the moment, I’m excited for those moments of growth between us. I’m excited to succeed and struggle, and I’m excited to do it with Jared. As Jared says, it’s not me or we, it’s us.1003551_10153472362535317_1493250445_n

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